The Spiral Ladder

Climb over the Wall

Why I learned to meditate


by Meredith Arena,

Seattle Interdependence Project.

Why I learned to meditate

Because I always said that I would.

Because, since childhood, it seemed like a cool thing to do.

I was lonely.

I was anxious.

I always felt that I was not doing enough.

I thought that meditation would fix me.

I wanted to be able to be still.

I thought it would make me more likeable.

I just thought that I should.

I was:

Artistically confused.

Perpetually unsatisfied.

Melancholy.

Insecure.

Full of self-doubt.

Traumatized.

Guilty.

Confused about how to be involved in politics.

Because I could.

Because I liked Yoga.

Because it seemed poetic.

I wanted to be more in touch with my body.

I wanted to understand myself sexually.

I wanted to know who I was without my “social identity”.

Because I hated my country.

Because I never related to the Catholic Church.

Because my parents taught me to be open minded.

Because I met other cool people who did it.

I wanted to make art.

I wanted life to be like art.

I was never happy.

I couldn’t accept things that didn’t go my way.

I felt wrong.

I was spiteful.

I was weird in romantic relationships.

Desire to feel ok.

Desire to connect.

Desire to connect.

Desire to connect.

In Buddhism there is a thing called the three poisons: desire, aversion, and ignorance. They are what make us human.  Each item on my list is driven by one. They are natural and normal. Struggle is a critical and beautiful part of being human. Working with our minds is a radical way to be IN life. “The root meaning of the word radical is just that..the root or origin of something.”

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